*goes in for first kiss*
Before this goes any further, I need to understand your position on naming our kids after water Pokèmon
Falling coconuts kill more people than falling sharks.
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Drinking 8 to 12 glasses of water a day is good for you because you spend more time in the bathroom and less time at your job.
One time my 4yr old got so mad at my wife he yelled, “YOU’RE RABBIT FROM WINNIE THE POOH!”
men ruin everything lmfao
God: take the worst of his personality.
God: then take the worst of her personality.
Angel: got it.
God: now mix them all together.
Angel: what do you want to call this mess?
God: call it a kid.
Her: I have a marathon coming.
Me: Ooh, which show?
Spirits are you there?
U R C U T E D O Y O U H A V E K I K
PERSONALITY TEST: When you read an obit where someone passes away “surrounded by family,” do you picture murder, or suicide?
The best thing about Twitter is that I can reveal my deepest and darkest secrets and you dumbasses think I’m joking.