@MoshBalls
@SufficientCharm
Him: You have such a beautiful soul.
Me: It’s photoshopped.
You Might Also Like
@SufficientCharm
@Home_Halfway
BOSS: Okay, let’s do this. What names are you pitching?
COWORKER: Hannah Montana
ME: Assapoopshits Massachusetts
BOSS: Michael you’re fired
@citizenkawala
Friend: Wanna go for a run?
Me: From what?
@Hadzilla
No thanks farting robot on the wall I’ll use the paper towels to dry my hands nice try though
@Sickayduh
Hey, guy who named the mustache
Hair lip was available
@lisa_curry
Me: Time to relax and get into bed!
The Internet: Wanna read something upsetting first?
Me: Yes, obviously.
@anerdonfire2
I’m not surprised I woke up with a mannequin after too much to drink. I am surprised though that I used a condom
“GO SPORTS!” -how I cheer for all sports
@joeljeffrey
My wife and I don’t often spend money on luxuries, but when we do, I’m glad it’s for something we can both enjoy like decorative pillows.
@Marlebean
Getting dressed,
Makeup is looking good,
Awesome hair day,
Feeling great about myself!Put on my glasses….
Damn it!