I live in constant fear that someone will abduct my mother in law at 35 Ash Street, London, Flat 2, door is sticky buzz Carol to let you in.
*finally finds comfiest position in bed*
bladder: so you’re not going to believe this
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[In the middle of nowhere]
4: “Mommy, are there toilets on this road trip?”
“Because I’m about to poop my pants.”
True love doesn’t care about the look or size of your wallet, it’s all about what is inside ….. the wallet.
I turned on my computer and it went “Word” and I was like “Yo”.
Wife: You only half-listen to me. You’re in a boatload of trouble.
Me: Yes, let’s buy a boat.
If you cross a guinea pig with a hedgehog you get a pighog. I don’t make the rules
My husband came with me to the gynecologist. As a new patient, I had to fill out a form asking if I’d ever had an IUD. When I checked the ‘yes’ box, he said: “You drove drunk!?!”
My boss asked if I had Facebook and I said sure and gave up the link. Then she asked about twitter. After an awkward silence I said, huh?
When a Weeping Willow dies does it become Mourning Wood?
Is there such a thing as “Spirit Furniture”? I think I’ve found mine…