Find a group doing river baptisms. Release LSD into the water upstream. Bring friends in devil costumes. Cavort and frolic on the riverbank.
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*Rides unicorn to work*
*Gives Bigfoot hi-five*
*Chats with mermaids*
*Argues with Medusa*
*Gets called in to HR*
*Fails drug test*
Her: I can’t cook because, I “believe” I can’t cook. And you want to know what makes me believe that?
Me: The arrival of the paramedics?
I’ve received so many Christmas cards from people I don’t know this year, probably because they weren’t addressed to me.
“Let’s take a couple dozen over-stimulated children and give them enough sugar to kill an elephant.” – inventor of the birthday party
You’ll catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar.
Also a rotting corpse will work. Or poop. Lots of ways to attract flies.
regardless means without regard
irregardless means the same as regardless except you never had any English classes
No thanks, I only date women who aren’t into me.
When she was 3, I took my youngest to makeup a gymnastics class we’d missed. The entire hr she was surly af & I had no idea why.
On the car ride home, she bold-faced stared me down and said, “MOM, we didn’t do ANY makeup in this class, you LIED.”
Ok class, what was Abraham Lincoln most famous for doing? Billy?