God, I love Scotland
[finishing meal at rooftop restaurant] I’m ready to jump off whenever you guys are
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Fortunately, I’m just tall enough to see out of these 2 holes in my face
I have a feeling his life would have gone in a different direction had his name been Kanye East.
Meanwhile in Ireland.
[table of 6 year olds in lab coats]
How are we supposed to find a cure for cooties if we
*bangs fist on table*
CAN’T EVEN FIND WALDO?!
grandmas are always like “not enough meat on your bones” the only reasonable explanation being that at a certain age every grandma starts giving serious thought to cooking her family and eating them
Biden: I took a Staples red button & wrote “Nukes” on it
Biden: Tweets to him in Russian when pressed
Me: *trying to understand time zones* These things are all over the map.
Sorry I put aviator sunglasses on the baby Jesus in your nativity scene and started singing highway to the manger zone.
He went M.I.A.
*Cut to Jim*
? All I wanna do
*bang bang bang bang*
And shoot enemies ?