“You can’t tell me what to do! I do what I want!”- toddlers, teenagers and US congress
[first date with a therapist]
ME: so, tell me about myself
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Dentist 1: Yes
Dentist 2: Yes
Dentist 3: Yes
Dentist 4: Yes
Dentist 5: Not so fast…
I mainly get my exercise by awkwardly running to doors when people hold them open for me
Two Jehovah Witnesses walk into a bar. LOL JK. They knocked.
[girl I’m talking to playfully touches my arm] Wait, do that again I wasn’t flexing.
Average age of billionaires: 65
Average age of billionaires in books: 35
[inventor of cursive] what if the letters held hands
Two certain individuals today proclaimed me the worst mom ever because I took them to the dentist.
I FORCED THEM TO HAVE TEETH. Like, OMG.
COMPUTER: Enter password
ME: [types ’14days’]
COMPUTER: Your password is two week
COMPUTER: Computer do joke. Computer funny.