I’m confused about plants
Him: Great dress.
Me: Oh, this?
Me: Hey! Come back!
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Burnt ma Hawaiian pizza today
Shoulda cooked it on aloha temperature
MTV stopped having their “Unplugged” specials because the shitty artists we have now can’t play any instruments.
Why does Africa get better animals than us? It’s like Africa woke up at dawn and went straight to the animal-picking office, and then all the other continents stumbled in hung over at noon.
I undo his overall strap & slide it off a barely perceptible shoulder. I pull his steel work goggle down around his “neck”
“BanaNA” he moans
“I’ve lost 200 pounds in just one year.”
I like to imagine that gymnastics competitions are just an elaborate game of ‘the floor is lava’.
protagonist: tag you’re it
antagonist: no you’re it
pennywise: are you kidding me?
Where did birds even sit to contemplate life before power lines were invented