The most romantic movie of all time is definitely Pixar’s UP. That old man really loved his house.
Me: have you ever taken a selfie with a dog face filter?
Her: Yes, I love those!
Me: Well look at the time this has been fun…
You Might Also Like
CNN: We’re not sure but we’ll report it anyway.
GENIE: you have found my lamp, so I must grant you four wishes
ME: I thought it was three?
GENIE: You need four
If my name was Simon I would always talk in the third person when telling someone to do something.
*starts new diet*
“Do not drink caffeine”
*ends new diet*
Cop: Know why I pulled you over?
Cop: Oh ok nevermind
My favorite superheros are.. Baskin and Robbin!
“We only had 5 channels and no remote” is the new “I walked uphill both ways, barefoot to school when I was a kid.”
Wife: we need to improve our home
Wife: remodeling the kitchen should be top priority
Me: [crosses out “get more dogs”] obviously