“Act your age!” I yell at my 11 year-old daughter as I put on my Captain America t-shirt.
[first day as spy]
*falls asleep in bushes*
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When sewing, always remember pattern placement is key.
*leaves a trail of banana peels so you slip and fall …..
In love with me, HAHA SUCKAH.
(praying for the first time in a long while and trying to be extra flattering to god): sweetheart,
I go to the bank wearing a Ski mask because I want everyone to know how athletic I am.
VW have got in2 trouble 4 falsifying data, apparently this is not d first time the Germans have been found guilty of lying abt gas emissions
DETECTIVE: There are signs of a struggle here
[earlier that morning]
ME: *trying to get up for work*
How come Ex-Lax never has coupons for a “Big Blowout Sale”???
Margo: And why is the snow all wet, TODD?
Todd: I don’t KNOW, Margo!
The bleeding walls and voice saying “Get out” I can live with but the inadequate natural light in the breakfast nook is intolerable.