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@DirtMcTurd: [First day of dropping kids off at school]
*Hugs and crying*
@murrman5: why does mommy cry when she cuts onions?
"she feels guilty cuz she stole them. see *lifts son onto lap* your mother likes to steal onions"
@squirrel74wkgn: [leaning over bathroom sink]
Me: *clips fingernail*
Fingernail: *lands in Italy*
@Donna_McCoy: I still remember the childhood pain of having to wear a sweater over my Halloween costume, so don't say I don't know tragedy.
@WeAreGirICodes: THIS IS THE BEST THING IVE SEEN ALL DAY 😂
@JosesLovesYou: [at sheep farm]
Me: So how do you get steel wool?
Farmer: well, that we get from our metal sheep
*sheep walks by with Slayer shirt