@GrantTanaka

First man discovered fire. Then he invented the wheel. Then there was, like, 500 years where he just kept setting the wheel on fire.

You Might Also Like

@TheBoydP

Top Five Accountant Taboos:

5. Unreconciled difference
4. Doesn’t foot & crossfoot
3. No journal entry support
2. Cooking the books
1. Sex

@nettie0918

The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.

@TribalSpaceCat

Very normal stages of anger:
1) kinda upset
2) crying
3) imagining yourself singing a revengeful song to them at a talent show

@slaughthie

I asked when my gym membership was up and the dude said “day before Valentine’s Day” like I’m some genius who knows when Valentine’s Day is.

@LizHackett

It is a truth universally acknowledged that no two people have the same interpretation of the words “We need to leave in ten minutes.”

@SteveSuckington

We need to keep kids off drugs. It’s hard enough to find them without kids buying them too