@ObscureGent
@Vodkantots
Me: Your baby looks exactly like you.
Her: Thanks!
Me: k
You Might Also Like
@Vodkantots
@ginzyj1983
People who automatically say it will get better
without actually knowing what the problem is…
is why there are bodies buried in my yard
@silkymilky14
Used to think I was sophisticated and mature, then I realized half an Ed Sheeran song ruins my day.
@SatansTongue
*Will smith is alone in his corner, depressed*
“Won’t Smith,” he whispers
@unbub_
a great headline for when there is a world wide fresh water shortage will be “water we gonna do??” we will need the laughs
@YSylon
Me: I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
[Dies]
Grim Reaper: I’m going to need you to journey with me to the afterlife.
Me: Dammit
@rebrafsim
Dog [opening Christmas present]: I swear to god Jason if I get one more bone I will OH MY GOD A BONE IT’S A BONE HOW DID YOU KNOW THIS IS THE BEST PRESENT EVER I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GOT ME A BONE I LOVE THIS I LOVE YOU
@johnbiehl
“Playing hard to get huh?” I say as I flip through your wedding photos on facebook.
@cheers27402373
I’ve never seen anyone go through drug withdrawals, but I once hid my son’s iPad for 10 minutes.