@FredTaming

[ first time mugging ]

me: gimme all your mash

him: did..did you just say-

me: mash. omg i did

him: lol

me: started to say money, then cash jumped into my head last second, i’ve never done this before sorry

him: np my dude, take it from the top

me: gimme all your coney ope

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Back in my day, we didn’t have apps to tell everyone where we were all the time

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My girlfriend said we should each pick a “hall pass”, just in case we ever met that person. I chose Kate Upton and she chose her roommate Connor

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It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a portal to another dimension.

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@MrIceMachine

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Automatic soap dispenser
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N O W T O U C H T H E D O O R H A N D L E

@Contwixt

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I effed up the order, but used it as a teaching opportunity to illustrate the dangers of outsourcing.

@VeronicaJArt

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@AndyAsAdjective

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@Fred_Delicious

where do y’all wanna go tonight? Bars? The club?
“THE BOG OF DESPAIR”
Gary, after the forest of skulls debacle you don’t get to pick anymore