The only ones awake 3am are the lonely & the loved.
And also the sick who have to take antibiotics & pain killers.
Fool me once shame on you,
Unless you’re speaking Spanish, then that’s eleven times and I probably deserved it.
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Why not call baby pigs “hamlets” ?
Places in Japan nowadays have banned some of the traditional Martial Arts,
They have adopted a strictly no Kendo attitude
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
I need a note so I can get out of having sex with my husband.
*turns on internet*
computor, i need to take a break from trying to achieve one thing. show me all of the achievments of others all at once
*pounds fist twice on chest*
*kisses two fingers*
*throws peace sign & nods head at DJ*
I don’t know what I just did, but we should leave.
[on the phone]
Me: *whispers* I think my CW knows I’m high.
CW: You know you’re talking to a banana right?
HIM: I’m having a shit first day at my new job. Can I crash at your place?
HER: Sure. What’s your new job?
HIM: Airline pilot.
[my wife wants an expensive audi]
ME: instead of buying 1 car for $60k we could buy 2 cars for $30k each
HER: *rolls eyes* oh sure, then why not 3 cars for $20k each?
ME: great point, could even do 4 cars for $15k each
[an hour later]
ME: how about 60,000 cars for $1 each