If Spider Man eats too much fruit he squirts Silly String.
*ref throws flag*
Ref: *zebra noises*
Zebra at home: *nodding* Good call good call
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“Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs” could also describe every menu item at Olive Garden.
If you’re going to a wedding this weekend and you see a random stranger dancing his nut off on the dance floor, I’m sorry, I lost a bet.
it’s your first day back at work. your boss calls you in. “why aren’t you wearing pants?”
“threw em out” you shrug
you turn to leave but stop at the door. “wait,” you say. “but why aren’t you wearing pants”
“what?” he looks down, confused. “oh, right” he shrugs. “threw em out”
DATING TIP: You never want to seem too easy! So set up a date and never show up.
If I was a villain, I would follow superheroes to their normal human interviews for jobs & note what they answer as their biggest weaknesses
friend: i need some advice.
me: *swooshing my cat through the air while making rocket noises* you’re at the right place for that
*8 months later*
-an Italian guy describing an oak
EARTH: *celebrates her 50th Earth Day*
BILLIONAIRES: *start eyeing younger planets*