God: you’re a cow.
Cow: what do I eat?
God: you just can’t get enough grass.
Cow: like a lawnmower?
God: uh sure.
Cow: I guess that makes me a lawnMOOer lol.
God: was that a cow pun?
Cow: yes did you like it : )
God: it was udderly adorable : )
For #BackToTheFutureDay try and get your mom to hit on you.
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“Baby, I’m in the bedroom waiting for you”
Now I got your attention, let me show you a proper way to make the bed.
“Do what your gut says”
– well, right now , its Telling me i need to stop eating Pizza
It’s called Taco Bell because Alexander Graham Bell also invented the taco.
Bad Coroner: This guy you brought in a few days ago, I think I know how he died. The last thing he ate was spaghetti with bullets in it.
Putting a bell around a cow’s neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
“why do women always take sooo long to put their makeup on?” because makeup is war paint for Being In Public, clearly
I like to picture my mom in the middle of the crowd at a Wu Tang concert, hands on her hips, just shouting grammar corrections back at them
I love Harry Porter. All of them. Glasses kid. The ginger one. Smart girl. Dolby. The scene when Dumbledort kills Voldermore. Quizzo matches