Microwaves should have a “Pfft” button.
For job interviews, your best bet is to dress as a pizza delivery person, march in and say “Who ordered DILIGENCE and ATTENTION TO DETAIL!?”
You Might Also Like
How to make meals for toddlers:
Step 1. Choose any food.
Step 2. Throw it away.
Honey I Shrunk the Kids : A Beginner’s Guide to Steroid Use
7: Its the last week of school so we don’t have to go. Can I stay home?
Me: Ha! Nice try, kid.
Teacher: Its true.
Me: Ha! NICE TRY, TEACHER.
“BUT WE’RE DATING!” the blonde screams, “I’M YOUR GIRLFRIEND.”
“You were” Hefner chuckles. “Now you’re just some bunny that I used to know.”
she wears short skirts
i do tax fraud
she’s cheer captain and
i’m in jail for tax fraud
Post natal depression is a serious condition. I’m 38 years old and my mum still bursts into tears every time she sees me.
Your prayers are needed. Today I’m gonna tell my screenplay that it’s adapted.
Writer: pet training with wild animals
Exec: thats already a thing
Writer: kids are the trainers
Exec: seems irresponsible
Writer: they keep them in magic balls until it’s time to fight for scout badges or something
ovens are insane
“oh thats just my box of invisible fire i heat dead things in”