@KentWGraham: For parents, college is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.
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@velweb: 12 yr. old daughter: My friend Samantha said she thinks you're handsome. Me: Aww. That's cute. How about her mom? Has she said anything?
@Brampersandon_: *tightens straps on electric chair* Any last words? -I think male oysters should be called boysters Omg will someone throw the damn switch
@MythicPicnic: My wife asked me about the Oxford comma and now she wants me to go back to my usual brooding silence.