They ordered two extra large pizzas at work.
I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
For those of you keeping track, so far:
Whoever is out there saying “What’s the worst that could happen?”-
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I just learned Avicii is a singer and not Roman numerals for 1952.
body: you’re dehydrated
me: I literally just drank a glass
narrator: that was 3 days ago
Hotel room coffee is still better than that whole relationship with you
Years ago I went to a job placement agency.
I left disappointed.
Apparently nobody offers temp work as an astronaut.
A bird laments over the corpse of its fallen comrade. “Tern down. For what?”
Startle and amuse your cat by replacing its kitty litter with Poprocks. (Ladies: feel free to share this idea on your pinny website thing.)
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
“Dad, are we pyromaniacs?”
” Yes, we arson.”
Some blacks don’t like whites, some whites don’t like blacks!
And nobody likes Mexicans!
Big deal! Who cares!