@InternetHippo: For years I’ve been needlessly struggling w/ not having enough money until an internet commenter changed my life by telling me to work hard
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@mommajessiec: Husband: I love everything about you. Me: Even my toe hair? H: What toe hair? Me: *tears up* That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [my mom pretends to answer her phone] hello? oh hi Batman...i dunno if he's eating his vegetables or not me: [mouth full of broccoli] i am!
@Jeff_G_Nixon: "Ha-ha who me? Oh, I put ketchup on everything!" CAR SALESMAN: please stop putting ketchup on these Buicks.