Dad has his phone in a protective case that could survive a lunar landing but growing up I don’t remember us kids ever wearing a seat belt.
Forget waterboarding. You want confessions? Lock the guy in a room with a laptop, a Twitter account and a bottle of whiskey.
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The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside.
I bumped into a VERY handsome man on the tube platform and now we’re on the train together and i can’t wait to steal furtive glances at him until I get to my stop and do absolutely nothing more about it
Don’t think you’re immune. We’re all just a whim away from singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” Yes, a whim away…a whim away…a whim away.
dude in this airport saw me reading and said “oh you like literature, have you heard of……. charles dickens” and i said no
Stopped visiting friends because they have a child gate on the way to the upstairs bathroom I can’t figure out.
The casting of the Little Mermaid is a joke. You need someone who can hold their breath for an hour and a half at least or the movie just isn’t believable.
In an unexpected motion, Texas Republicans have voted to move midnight to 1am.
this bacon wrapped sausage is making me feel uncomfortable.