@Stryfe74

Forgetting what you went into the kitchen to get is one thing but, it’s darn scary when you can’t remember why you went into the bathroom!

Forgetting what you went into the kitchen to get is one thing but, it’s darn scary when you can’t remember why you went into the bathroom!

- @Stryfe74

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Interviewer: Which academic course did you find most difficult?

Me: spinach

Interviewer: you mean Spanish?

Me: exactly

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Eminem: two trailer park girls go round the outside

CDC: absolutely not

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teacher: No eating in class

people sitting in the back of the classroom:

@notalogin

Romantic cop: Here, I brought you a flower.
Competitive about everything cop: Big deal. I brought you a flowest.

@ShutUpThatsWho

[clown cleaning shower]

MRS CLOWN: Don’t forget to remove the hair from the drain.

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In my dreams, my balloons come back down and apologize for leaving me.

@lazerdoov

My girlfriend told me she’s “spotting” and I’m like yeah right for who? You can’t even bench 50 Lbs lol

@TheAndrewNadeau

LEAD ARCHAEOLOGIST: Okay, the bones are fragile, so we want to brush very gently and remember not to, say, put them in our mouths or anything.

DOG ARCHAEOLOGIST: I can tell you’re talking about me and that’s offensive.

@KingsnorthAP

Starbucks, where 11 members of staff frantically do things behind the counter, yet not one of these things appears to resemble a hot drink