@SlipCarefully: Forgot my phone and had to write my tweets on paper and pass 'em around at the meeting. nnDidn't get any stars. nGot RT'd to HR.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@StephenKing: Drummer's pissed because the guys in the band say drums aren't a real instrument. He says, "I'll show them--give me the red cornet and the accordion." Instrument store guy says, "Well you can have the fire extinguisher, but the radiator has to stay."
@alexlumaga: The early bird catches a worm. The on-time bird catches a different worm. The late bird also catches a worm. There are tons of worms and they have no human concept of time
@joshscampbell: Legal Twitter: I’m dressed in a black suit outside a restaurant waiting for a friend and a curmudgeonly gentleman pulls his sports car into the driveway. While walking past, he dismissively looks at me and barks “Key’s in it.” The Porsche is now mine, right?
@SarahJonesVent: I'm like a swan. But not in the elegant grace way, in the way I'm surprisingly violent if you get between me and bread.