The most troubling examples of sexism, homophobia and racism that I’ve ever heard are things I’ve said driving on the New Jersey Turnpike.
Freezing bananas before they go bad is a great tip I learned 6 months ago. Now I have a freezer full of bananas
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Why eat high-calorie yogurt when you can just have ice cream for breakfast instead?
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
FRIEND: Remember, women love confidence
DATE: So *smiles* am I gonna have a good time tonight?
ME *confidently* nope
PHILOSOPHY MAJOR: humanity is at risk
STEM MAJOR: because global warming is affecting sea levels
ENGLISH MAJOR: is it affecting or effecting
Doing United States puzzle with 7 when he tells me that “Alabama should be called Mr. Sippi since it’s next to Mrs. Sippi.”
I wanted to lose some pounds…..
So I went to the casino.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don’t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
My kids seem to remember everything they ever wanted to tell me whenever I’m in the bathroom with the door shut.
It’s brave, unless you fail. Then it’s just stupid.