@stanleybehrman: From my hospital bed it occurred to me, that i could never work in a hospital because there are too many opportunities to nap.
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@novicefather: QA Manager: And what is the protocol when an aircraft comes inbound with a suspected Ebola case? "WTF. Planes can catch this shit too?"
@Tw1tter_K1tten: It's weird that on this date in Back to the Future they didn't show people incessantly posting about Back to the Future.
@LizHackett: I opened my front door and saw a coyote in the yard and said "Oh, sorry" and closed the door like I'd walked in on an unlocked bathroom stall.
@Turbo_Jimmy: I sexually identify with the noble panda; I too have difficulty having sex in a cage surrounded by 800 Chinese people