@BeeeejEsq
@hazelmotes1
Son, I grew up in a golden age when the bookstore didn’t have an entire section labeled “Teen Paranormal Romance.”
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@hazelmotes1
@ItsDumbTweets
It’s titanic…
@_youhadonejob1
Someone waited their whole career to write that headline.
@jwoodham
Forrest Gump ran for 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days, which is approximately 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days longer than I’ve ever run.
@weinerdog4life
Sorry I misunderstood BYOB, what should I do with this buffalo?
@AndrewChamings
me: just bear with me
bouncer: yeah no he can’t come in
@ArfMeasures
Me: I don’t know how to hold this baby
Her: Head held high
Me *proudly* I don’t know how to hold this baby
@murrman5
ok, now say it again so my wife hears
“you’re too big for this ride, sir”
@bornmiserable
[Congress]
MARK ZUCKERBERG: if you do not harvest your crops in a timely manner on Farmville they will die, I cannot stress this enough
@TylerLinkin
My password is ELEPHANT. It may not be the strongest but I never forget.