
I don’t know how to act 40, so I’m just doing what I did when I was 20 twice as hard.
Fun Fact:
Over 23.6% of relationships fail because one of the partners doesn’t like The Princess Bride.
I don’t know how to act 40, so I’m just doing what I did when I was 20 twice as hard.
A fat racist and a skinny racist jump off a cliff. Who wins? Society
ME: *playing the piano*
WIFE: You’re a regular Van Gogh
ME: Why thank you, honey
{three days later}
ME: Wait a second
I never make my guests take their shoes off at the door because it takes them longer to get out when I want them to leave.
[1st date, opening scene of star wars]
ME: *leans over* those are the stars
DATE: thanks
ME: but you have to wait for the wars
Me: “Bless me father, it’s been 13,505 days since my last confession.”
Priest: “You’re off to a bad start.”
shrek the third may have not been as great as the other movies but this transition still gets me
Do you know where my mexican hat is?
– It’s somewhere bro..
Fine…a sombrero, but what I’m asking is have you seen it?
It’d be ironic if deaf people hung out in heards.
Thanks for yelling at me and calling me names on the internet. I have the same opinion as you do now