Sorry I went down on your moms sister at your BBQ… I guess you could say I’m…
Select all of your Snapchat contacts and send them a text that says…
“Wow…Are you sure that was for me?”
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LIFE HACK tell the hotel you forgot your toothbrush. They don’t even check, they just give you a brand new one!!! It’s so sweet
If you squint, Pitbull looks like a grown up Tommy Pickles from Rugrats.
ME: *doing deadlifts* more weight
PALLBEARER: *reluctantly adds another body*
My phone autocorrected “gym” to “fun” so I threw it in the trash bc it’s obviously broken.
Did you know we only use 10% of our brains?
“Actually that’s a myth-”
This part is useless
*stabs fork in head*
See? Now florble arble guh
Made the mistake of ordering chlorine for the pool and researching Kenya so I’m tweeting this from what appears to be a windowed black van.
Someone explain why clothes are so expensive? I should not have to pay this much to not be naked. People should pay ME to not be naked
I watched squirrels for like an hour and thought “they don’t do ANYTHING really” and then realized I watched squirrels for like an hour
You don’t need to wear clothes in public if you can run fast enough.