@kelownagoose

Fun game:

Select all of your Snapchat contacts and send them a text that says…

“Wow…Are you sure that was for me?”

And wait.

You Might Also Like

@pippydrydocking

Sorry I went down on your moms sister at your BBQ… I guess you could say I’m…

[lowers shades]

An aunt-eater.

@KenJennings

LIFE HACK tell the hotel you forgot your toothbrush. They don’t even check, they just give you a brand new one!!! It’s so sweet

@notbedelia

If you squint, Pitbull looks like a grown up Tommy Pickles from Rugrats.

@FeelingEuphoric

ME: *doing deadlifts* more weight

PALLBEARER: *reluctantly adds another body*

@Marlebean

My phone autocorrected “gym” to “fun” so I threw it in the trash bc it’s obviously broken.

@BuckyIsotope

Did you know we only use 10% of our brains?
“Actually that’s a myth-”
This part is useless
*stabs fork in head*
See? Now florble arble guh

@Robinbuble

Made the mistake of ordering chlorine for the pool and researching Kenya so I’m tweeting this from what appears to be a windowed black van.

@brandonIee

Someone explain why clothes are so expensive? I should not have to pay this much to not be naked. People should pay ME to not be naked

@MelvinofYork

I watched squirrels for like an hour and thought “they don’t do ANYTHING really” and then realized I watched squirrels for like an hour

@andrewmonea

You don’t need to wear clothes in public if you can run fast enough.