@EndhooS

Fun prank – this Christmas leave a charred skeleton wearing a Santa hat in the fire place for your kids to find.

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@beefman138

3 : Daddy, can we watch Frozen?

Me : Sorry, darling. We can’t watch Frozen in the summer because all the characters will melt.

@TomSchally

It’s that time of year again when I should really check in on my friends with pools or boats to see how they’ve been since last summer.

@iLikeCatShirts

When someone tries to tell me they can’t do something, I’m like “you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?”

@lazerdoov

The Canadian military is just a guy named Ross with a flare gun in an aluminum boat.

@joejwest

PILOT: Welcome to flying school. Any questions?
ME: Is it possible to crash into a rainbow?
PILOT: Yes it’s how most of you will die. Next?

@Desert_Musings

I do the crane stance like in the Karate Kid movie each time I have to flush the toilet in a public restroom.

@sixfootcandy

Customs: Open your bag please. Ma’am, your suitcase smells like marijuana.

Me: I know! Don’t even get me started on the 2 pounds I have shoved up my rectum.