@Sorrowscopes

Gemini: Invisible hands draw closer to your throat. Also, an Adobe software update is available. It will require a restart.

You Might Also Like

@De_ja_vu_who

I peel my underwear off as you watch me & then hand it to you,

Smiling

You know what’s coming next..

It’s your turn to do the laundry

@wickedsuga

This kid in target fell on the ground screaming bc his mom wouldn’t buy him candy

& now she’s yelling for us both to get up and be quiet.

@Playing_Dad

Me: My brother was in an accident & lost his hand.
Her: OMG, is he OK?
Me: Yes, it was his left hand so
Her: Don’t do it
Me: he’s all right

@dafloydsta

[marriage counseling]

She’s constantly mad at me

“There are squirrels living in our house”

THEY WERE HOMELESS, KAREN

@kevnasto

According to my autocorrect, i’m wearing edible pantries

@DarkerWillow

Today I realized that I lead an extremely secretive life for someone that no one is actually paying attention to.

@Karissajem

Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I’m some sort of amateur?

*googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*