I peel my underwear off as you watch me & then hand it to you,
You know what’s coming next..
It’s your turn to do the laundry
Gemini: Invisible hands draw closer to your throat. Also, an Adobe software update is available. It will require a restart.
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This kid in target fell on the ground screaming bc his mom wouldn’t buy him candy
& now she’s yelling for us both to get up and be quiet.
Me: My brother was in an accident & lost his hand.
Her: OMG, is he OK?
Me: Yes, it was his left hand so
Her: Don’t do it
Me: he’s all right
She’s constantly mad at me
“There are squirrels living in our house”
THEY WERE HOMELESS, KAREN
I have laryngitis, and my kids have never been happier.
According to my autocorrect, i’m wearing edible pantries
Lol Tomb Raider.
Today I realized that I lead an extremely secretive life for someone that no one is actually paying attention to.
Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I’m some sort of amateur?
*googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*