You Might Also Like
“You couldn’t handle me at my worst”
OMG, you mean this isn’t it.
And that’s how the fight started.
*reads your mind*
*decides to wait for the movie*
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
Legend has it that if you don’t look a coworker in the eye they won’t stop to tell you about their weekend.
My wife is not satisfied with my assurances that the spider is dead. I must also produce a death certificate, pictures from the funeral and the names and addresses of next of kin.
For the baby who has everything
Me: That guy is a bad apple.
6-year-old: He’s a person.
Me: I just meant he’s mean.
6: Probably because you called him an apple.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest you buy a smaller bra
Me to wife: “I don’t need a grocery list, it’s only three things.”
Also me: *Forgets two of the three things and comes home with a llama*