One of my personalities goes to the grocery store and buys healthy food…
Now, I can’t find anything to eat in the fridge.
*gently runs finger down your cheek
*checks finger for dust
You Might Also Like
Unless you refer to it as either a shindig or a hootenanny, I will not be attending your party.
hey boy 😉 is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see m- oh, it is a gu- yes i will open the cash register
What is the deal with beverages being called Dry, you are literally lying
My niece just said “Birds live in a birdhouse & we live in a people house!” Cute, huh? Wrong; my niece is 26 & on trial for manslaughter.
6am. 4 runs into bedroom, jumps on bed repeatedly.
“DADDY, DADDY, DADDY! WAKE UP! HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! WE’RE GOING TO LET YOU SLEEP IN!
Don’t be alarmed when you’re knocking on the Gates of hell and the devil doesn’t answer….He is dealing with me.
My daughter’s school was closed for fog.
Back in my day, Godzilla could be destroying the city & the principal would be like “2-hour delay”
*makes Transformer sound effects while I put my makeup on*