*catcher puts 1 finger down*
*pitcher shakes head*
*puts 2 fingers down*
(catcher to umpire)
“can we take a break? he has to poop”
Get out, RUN! That DM was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE
You Might Also Like
It’s 27 outside. Oh great, even the weather is younger and cooler than me now.
judge: any last comments?
me: i request to die by electric chair
judge: ur here for a speeding ticket
me: my request still stands
KING SOLOMON: I shall cut it in two, half for each of you.
ME: OH GOD NO!
KING SOLOMON: ok this is clearly your meatball sub.
What if Bugs Bunny unzipped his face and underneath there was just a stack of cockroaches in a bunny suit?
You’d be all like “We shoulda known! It was right there in the name!”
[Tracking an animal]
Me: *tastes the soil* Just as I thought. Dirt.
Wife: Did you want to go to Comic Con?
Me: *Google searches ‘Is Emilia Clarke going to be on the Game of Thrones panel at Comic Con’*
Hey, baby, you wanna come back to my place, and become a famous murder victim?
I wish I had a black stallion, so any time I got really pissed, I could angrily ride along the ocean.
Cinco de Mayo means five of mayonnaise in Spanish.