Get this comic as a limited edition art print, signed by both artists, printed on archival Bamboo Giclée paper from Hahnemühle.
You Might Also Like
*running from the police and turning into an alley*
HER: Kiss me
HIM: What?
HER: Do you trust me? Then kiss me
*they kiss passionately as the police round the corner*
POLICE: There they are! They stopped to kiss!
[me as a disc jockey]
me: you’re on the air
caller: please stop singing over the songs
I wish Gordon Ramsay would get one tattoo so I could take him seriously as a chef.
OMINOUS CHANTING
*pentagram starts to glow*
YES! RISE DARK LORD! RISE!
*Satan tosses pillow through portal*
UNGH 5 MORE MINUTES!!!
No one ever prepares you for the moment you find out the song you really like is Justin Bieber.
You can buy a birthday cake every day if you want to. They don’t even check ID.
when the ice cream man drives down my street I walk alongside him screaming TAKE ME WITH YOU I WILL BEAR YOU MANY STRONG SONS
Venn
Someone hugged me at the office Christmas party and now they know my safe word.
I’m being stalked by my proctologist. He won’t stop colon me.
ME: I think it’s time I get my life in order.
MORGAN FREEMAN: But he would not get his life in order. In fact, he got drunk that night and fought a raccoon.
You can’t make me happy, you’re not a bag of chips.
If you tell Dad jokes and you’re not actually a Dad, you are a faux pa.
r/relationships
I (36m) met my girlfriend (32f) at the exact moment after i sucked helium from a balloon to do a funny voice for a buddy. now weve been together 8 months & Im constantly having to suck helium from balloons when shes not looking because she thinks that’s my voice
[tattoo parlor]
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?”
“You said you wanted something that said that life is all about taking-“
“Wisks!”
“Right. That’s why I-”
“I’m weally disappointed.”
sorry I didn’t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
A girl who’s literally called ‘Beauty’ walks around town singing about how stupid everyone else is. It’s a mystery why Belle had no friends.
Axl Rose: You know where you are? You’re in the jungle, baby
Tarzan: yeah but why are you here.
When a woman says, “We need to talk”, it’s no good. Never has a woman said, “We need to talk” and followed it up with “about pillow forts”.
I purposely bought a small house so I could say “I’m sorry, I don’t have any room”
grocery cart: [stuck to several other grocery carts] please. my family. can they come too?
me: no. one only.
Did I remember to take Ambien? I’ll ask my lamp. He’s speaking German but maybe I’ll get the gist.
COP: License and registration please
ME: Can’t sell ya those but I do have drugs
Opened the oven door after breakfast was done to let the warm air out into the kitchen because we already paid for that heat.
Girl, yo grammatical atrocities so huge, you need typosuction.
Teen: Your brows are on fleek!
Me: (confused) Yeah well your FACE is on fleek.
Teen: Thanks!
Me: God damn it.
Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”
Me, to my kid: Pay attention! You’ve got to focus, it’s important in life…
Me, two minutes later: Where’d you go?!
Dentist: I’m going to take your tooth out
Me: Ok then
[later that evening]
Dentist: Well this is nice
My tooth: I’m having a lovely time
eating all the chips in my house so that I won’t be tempted to eat all the chips
