we can put a man on the moon but we can’t make shower caps sound less like world war 3 is happening on my head
*gets out of the pool*
*gets into another pool but it’s full of rice so i can dry off*
You Might Also Like
Why does Mommy always say no?
Well Son, if Mommy said yes all the time you’d have 20 more siblings.
Just gave my next door neighbor a giant bag of candy to dump in my sons trick or treat bucket on Halloween so I can go home after one house.
me: I bet other husbands don’t get put in timeout!
wife: I bet they don’t put their mother-in-law’s phone number on a Craigslist ad either!
Cauliflower: *ring ring*
date: I’m super outgoing and active so I’d definitely be a dog. what about you?
me, staring out the window: most koalas die falling out of trees because they just forget to hold on, so that’s probably where I’m at in the animal kingdom
As it turns out you cannot recharge your cell plugging it in to an electric eel. I’m just glad this aquarium had a paramedic on duty.
Me at 20: I’m smarter than everyone in the world
Me at 28: I am so smart for going to the cheaper gas station
Fun Date Idea: Find a balloon, forget about the date, you have a balloon now.
Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren’t just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?