@jonnysun

gettin prety good at makin baloon animals, so far i can make:
– a snake
– worm
– eel
– dog, hot
– 2 snakes

gettin prety good at makin baloon animals, so far i can make:
– a snake
– worm
– eel
– dog, hot
– 2 snakes

- @jonnysun

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Puts fitbit on dogs collar. Throws the ball around. Sits on the couch and eat chips. Wins all the challenges

@LizHackett

When I was a teen, my parents talked to me about safe sex. I’m having the same talk with them about the Reply All button.

@junejuly12

Him: What are you doing tomorrow?

Me: I was thinking maybe a chocolate croissant for breakfast.

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Me: Oh, you mean between meals.

@krisv_723

Him: pick up those new bareskin condoms.
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Him: why is there hair on this & wtf, is that a claw?
Me: next time get them yourself. Do you know how hard it is to skin a bear?

@realHamOnWry

I think if we leave a bunch of cell phones in the forest, eventually Big Foot will be tempted to take a selfie.

@SirEvisiae

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@rolldiggity

Fun Game:
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@heylauragao

Flight attendant: Is there a doctor onboard?

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Me: Not now Dad

Dad: Not asking for a Product Manager to help, are they?

Me: Dad, there’s a medical emergency happening right now

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@sixfootcandy

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ME: Yeah, but I killed the spider!