imagine boycotting beauty & the beast because of a gay character while being totally cool with a teenage girl falling in love with a buffalo
gf: remember, my dad’s really into sports, so talk to him about that
me: will do
[later, meeting girlfriend’s parents]
me: so, sir, jen tells me you’re really into sports
her dad: that’s right
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Barista: I have a tall white chocolate mocha for Ron
Voldemort: [visibly upset] excuse me I’ve been waiting for an hour on my triple shot soy latte w/light foam and no one has called my name yet!
It’s like my grandma always used to say, “Don’t go to the grocery store hungry and don’t go to the liquor store drunk.”
ME: Hi. I’m in the gym parking lot.
HUSBAND: That’s great! Are you finally working out?
ME: No. My car broke down. Can you come pick me up? This place is really scary.
Now, where’s the sport in that?
I’ve had so much cough medicine and this has me in tears
Her: I like bad boys
Me: I break the law sometimes
Her: ooooh which one?
Me: *from ceiling* gravity
I’m already an idiot, I just need a village
Nurse: Get the crash cart?!
Doctor: Give it a minute
HER: [parallel parking] i’m so bad at this
HIM: you should probably get tested
HER: lol it’s not that bad
HIM: i have chlamydia