[commercial for soap]
NARRATOR: soap. it fights dirty.
Girlfriend: so i finally got that brazilian
Me: omg that’s hot, lemme see
Girlfriend: *puts arm around handsome muscular dude* this is Eduardo
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The Proclaimers walked 500 miles without a Fitbit?
When I try on an outfit and it doesn’t make me look good, I just throw it on the floor. Like, No, you don’t deserve to be hung up, sit there and think about what you’ve done.
How do I know it will be a full moon tonight?
Exhibit A and Exhibit B.
*points to 2 ferocious beasts who keep calling me “mom”*
There is a disturbing amount of product placement in my dreams.
“Oh yeah? Define obsessed,” I demand, as I pull my shirt back down to cover the tattoo of your face on my stomach
Reasons Why us girls cry:
Who the hell knows!!: 90%
Netflix should have the option to not just resume from when you shut it off, but to resume from when you fell asleep.
The Maze Runner. #MazeRunner
Is this your resume?
It just says you used to leave shit at your friends’ doors, ring the bell & run away
Welcome to UPS!