@: girls be like "can you get my lip gloss from my purse? just reach in & head left, take a right at the wallet then turn left til you pass 3 nutrigrain bars & take your next right then head straight & it should be there. if you've hit the 2007 target receipts you've gone too far"
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@Fenyris: I wear dresses to work so it takes me less time to use the loo so people won't think I'm pooping. So yeah, I'd say I'm pretty professional.
@shutupmikeginn: If you get engaged and you and your partner both owns dogs do the dogs become brother and sister or are they married too?
@NewDadNotes: Wife: our daughter just said shit. Me: oh no! what do we do? Wife: obviously we can’t curse around the house anymore. Me: [gasp] you think the house taught her that word?