So he says ” Nice glasses” and I say ” Thanks! They’re for seeing ”
Give a man a fish and he will think, “What a creepy gift.” Teach a man to fish and he will think, “My god, I have never known such boredom”
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Can I do this?
-Kids, while doing it
Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats–taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup.
if i die on a hill it’s gonna be the bottom of that hill. i’m not climbing up a hill to die
Ibuprofen is the new Chiclets for people over 40
Hold me closer, tiny dancer. Oh my… not that close. I can’t breathe. How are you so strong? LET ME GO TINY DANCER
I’m not usually vengeful, but when I am it’s because someone gave my kid a whistle.
[Terrorist tears open undercover FBI agent’s jacket]
Terrorist: hey guys this dude is a Female Body Inspector