what’s the deal with “airplane food?” newsflash, jerry: it’s called jet fuel.
Give a man a subtweet and he’ll be like “is this about me?” Teach a man to subtweet you’ll be like “is that about me?”
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Me, during phone sex: Babe, do you ever feel like somebody’s watching us?
NSA agent: No
[Inventing Cotton Candy]
What if insulation was delicious?
My boyfriend is watching Glee voluntarily and tapping his foot and smiling. That makes me a lesbian now, right?
Stop pissing me off or I’ll marry you
I’m just a girl
Hiding under a bed
Hoping his wife leaves soon
After walking 500 miles and then 500 more, it turns out the door was mediocre at best. 3/5 stars.
Probably not the best place to put the authors name..
Turns out buying that meth lab on craigslist was illegal
The Rock hasn’t released a movie in two weeks. I hope he’s okay.