@jazmasta: *gives ex wife's next door neighbour a drum kit for Christmas*
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@JKickinit30: Going out for chupacabras is not as fun as it may sound. Just because it sounds like mexican food doesn’t mean that it actually is.
@daemonic3: wife: if i ever hear you say "teethbrush" again I'm leaving you, no one cares that it should be plural me: sure, sounds great! wife: you don't even care? me: oh did you say something? [takes out earbuds] i was talking on my blueteeth
@gingerfaced: My current diet all ends with an S. Pizzas. Hamburgers. Tacos. Nachos. Everything that's in sights.