Writing a horror story where parents won’t just drop off their children for a play date. They also want to sit and talk. It’s called, “You Really Don’t Have to Stay.”
Go to work tomorrow with a new attitude.
Hide when real work comes!
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“Hi, what’s your product idea?”
Product? [holding bucket of live fish] I’m here to see the tank of sh-… I’ve made a mistake
8 teens in the the garage. I hear the miter saw and drill going. I’m just going to sit back and let Darwin take care of things in there.
9: Why are you hitting that spider?
wife: I don’t like spiders
me: Ooooh *grabs newspaper*
mother-in-law [leaving] I don’t have to take this
Her: What veggies are the kids having with dinner?
Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes…
Cashier: “Going camping?”
Me: Boss our sales are really going updog.
Boss: You mean up?
Me: No, updog.
Boss: What’s updog?
Me: Not our sales. We’re bankrupt.
If plastic bags could be used as currency, my mom would be on a Forbes list.
Me: *points at romantic relationships*
God: *slaps my hand* NO
i’m lonely just not “inventor of the boomerang” lonely