The most important lesson I learned from watching The Muppet Show is when cooking meth always test your product on the drummer of the band
god created the midwest so ur internet crushes could always be 10,000 miles away no matter where u go
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“I hate confrontation”
“No, you don’t”
This puppy is lit but those puppies are litter
The Catholic Church is selling bath bombs!
*puts Jesus Christ limited edition bath bomb into water*
*water turns into wine*
Thank u Jesus
I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium are going out. I was like OMg.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: You love me?
Me: Is it because I’m driving a lawnmower?
Me: *floors it*
Spice up your otherwise trite wedding by making the groomsmen act as pallbearers and carry the groom to the altar in a casket
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says “Recalculating”?
Who decided to call it an English to French dictionary and not a Two – Deux list?
I knew it.