CNN: Trump removes screaming baby from rally
Fox News: Trump rally interrupted by another unruly, entitled protestor who still lives at home
[God creating vultures]
How about a goth flamingo?
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Me: Can you tell the girl in the white dress I think she’s hot?
Priest: Absolutely not
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
*is not kind*
*does not rewind*
*returns overdue videos to blockbuster*
Perhaps Charles Manson is a selfless lover.
YOU don’t know.
Hey dad, where are mountain lions from?
-Uhh…you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much…
*first day as Robin Hood
“Ok, this is a TERRIBLE business model.”
ME: This is my parrot. I call him a repeat offender lol
DATE: Haha, because you say something & he says it back to
ME: He’s murdered 7 people
If you could choose between having a girlfriend and owning the new playstation what would be your first game?
Congrats to the person that invented the wobbly restaurant table. It’s basically everywhere now.