[God creating vultures]

How about a goth flamingo?

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I got a T-shirt with an Ouija board printed on the back and now I get free massages from superstitious people.


[First day as a doctor]

Patient: I got stabbed!!!

Me: is there a family history of being stabbed?


Is your meth contaminated with coronavirus? This Florida police dept. will test it for free


“wHaT’s thAt taTtOo gONna looK liKE wHEn ur oLd” have u seen what old ppl look like normally? im not worried about it


I’ve become obsessed with the idea that Jesus was a terrible guitarist but no one told him to stop because they were afraid of his dad.


You don’t need to put “liquid” in front of “diarrhea”. We get it.


My wife and I had sex on her decorative pillows and blankets. We were in the throws of passion.