@snackpup: God must have really liked saturn
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@FU_TangClan: When I texted my dad I wanted to be a barrister he was so proud. Years later I achieved my dream, and as I make him an Mini Java Chip Frappuccino it turns out I can’t spell and he isn’t proud.
@dlockw21: 11: Dad, what's your spirit animal? Mine's a tiger. Me: Remember that chubby mouse named Gus in the baby-tee from Cinderella? 11: ...
@timdonakowski: I sleep with a squirt gun under my pillow just in case a gang of cats break in while I'm sleeping.