Gonna put this up there and let it sink in…

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i’m an idiot but secretly a genius but even more secretly than that, i’m an idiot


In September a 127 yr old woman passed away, which we already KNOW is a lie bc the earth isn’t even 127 yrs old. Don’t be ignorant.


Being poor means having to read the menu card from right to left.


Remember that someone out there is thinking of you right now, figuring out how to make your death look like an accident.


“Space heater” is a pretty ambitious name. How about “shin warmer?”


Went to the Planetarium to do some stargazing but I didn’t see one celebrity. Rip-off!


The wind blew a smart car into my lane and I had to roll down my window and swat it out of the way.