Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who’s sick of her bullshit.
Good Will Hunting (2018): Dystopian movie about a near future in which everyone with an ounce of good will is mercilessly hunted and killed.
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Can we talk about your pleated, cuffed corduroys, or are we just going to let it happen?
Pretty much everyone I’ve ever met has told me to stop exaggerating
my nephew is 13 and starting to ask girls on dates. so he asked my brother what was the best way to ask a girl on a date and he told him to find something they were both interested in and ask if she wanted to do it.
so my nephew asked the girl if she liked chicken nuggets.
Cop: Do you have any drugs in the car?
Me: Absolutely not. Trust me, I’ve looked.
UK: we call them films, after the traditional recording process using photographic film
USA: WE CALL THEM MOVIES BECAUSE THEM PHOTOS MOVE
The cheese grader saw me walk in the house with a bag of shredded cheddar and shit got real awkward.
WATSON: we found one set of footprints in the driveway
SHERLOCK [smokes pipe]: so God was carrying the suspect
me: help! that guy stole my identity!
also me: no i didn’t