When someone says “excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable”, how long are they usually gone? Two days seems like a long time.
Google needs a “you really don’t want to know” search answer.
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You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn’t notice… until they needed to wink at somebody.
me: excuse me, sorry, excuse me, im sorry, my fault, sorry
“Arise! Arise! Foul creatures, I command that you arise! ARISE!”
“Dad, just once, couldn’t you let mom or the alarm clock wake us?”
Fear not, ugly caterpillar. For one day you will become a beautiful butterfly
[emerges from cocoon]
AH WTF I’M A MOTH THIS IS BULLSHIT
“Do you remember that time we-“
Let me stop you right there, no.
[dog bites my arm off]
owner: lol don’t worry he’s just playing
If you hear one of the high piano keys repeating slowly, you’re either watching a trailer for a horror movie, or you are a parent.
i’ve dated so many tools i could open a home depot
Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone(Absence of special lady creates cataclysmic world ending event)