Google reviews are always so mixed..
You Might Also Like
I don’t know why Apple is charging me 7.99 , 3.99 and 10.99 and I will never know. frankly that is none of my business
I have one son that loves to refurbish cars. He doesn’t get it from me, I don’t even vacuum.
My neighbors are out in their backyard having an epic argument so it looks like the fireworks show is getting started a little early.
Him: I got 99 problems but you ain’t one.
Her: Just wait.
[Antarctic Courtroom]
Polar Bear: “You hated your wife didn’t you, Pingu!”
Walrus Judge: “Careful Mr Prosecutor. You’re on very thin ice”
Polar Bear: “Your honor, permission to approach the bench”
Walrus: “No. I…”
*Polar Bear takes step forward, plunges through melting ice
this tumblr post deserves to be put in history textbooks
“I do not negotiate with terrorists!” said me, everyday, multiple times a day, to my children.
(cant remember king kong’s name) you know. the monkey. the big monkey. really big. he hates that lizard. but sometimes he is friends with the lizard? the lizard is also big
“Let’s eat, Pappy.”
Not “Let’s eat Pappy.”
Proof grammar saves lives.
Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.
Them: What’d you scrape your chin on?
Me: A chiseled jawline with a 5-o’clock shadow.
gf: that guy hit on me, show him who’s boss
me: *whispering to guy* she is
Are they bowling to earn soup or bowling on behalf of soup
[screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU’RE NOT “FIGHTING” THE FIRE YOU’RE WATERING IT
My husband: All the flags are at half-mast this weekend.
Me: For Tina Turner?
My husband: [long, scathing pause] For Memorial Day.
what I say: WE RIDE AT DAWN
what I mean: Let’s meet at noonish for brunch and a nature walk
Carl: Gonna be a hot one today.
Me: Tell me something I don’t know.
Carl: Male ostriches can roar like lions.
Me: Fair enough, Carl.
DATE: did I say something to upset you?
ME: *stabbing my pasta extra hard with my fork* everyone is entitled to their opinion about the best ninja turtle, Karen
Do they award purple hearts for injuries playing* laser tag?
Asking for a friend.
* Dropping the gun on your foot while putting on your vest.
hitman: who am I killing?
dog: ever hear of a guy named pavlov?
hitman: rings a bell
dog: that’s right
On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.
Some people say I hang out with the wrong crowd. They’re always like “Hey man we’re over here you don’t even know those people.”
No sense buying a memory foam mattress if you’re just going to toss and turn all night, it’ll be confused.
He’s a 10 but so is his volume.
I’ve started an all male cow gang.
Because in life, anything is posse bull !!
3: mommy! Come look, I made a water fall
Me: oh dear god
It’s normal for married couples to fight. The trick is for you and your spouse to find a couple you can easily beat up.
i wish they named cookies something different because every time a website asks me to accept cookies, and i decline, a little part of my heart is like, but i love cookies, just not your kind
kicked out of photoshop class for letting out a huge yeehaw every time i select the lasso tool
I wish Teachers were treated like pro athletes. Million dollar contracts and tenure bonuses.
Pro model erasers and chalk. Showered with Gatorade when the whole class passes.